What we pass on

This picture is from the Q&A at Cavalier Books on 8/1. Luke Sonnier facilitated the dialogue and asked some of the deepest, most thoughtful questions about Soaked. One question had me thinking for several days afterwards. And it didn't come from Luke. An audience member asked me about how to pass along my culture to my kiddos when I no longer live where the culture is. This truly had me stumped for a few moments.

Eventually I blurted out some very stereotypical things. I told them how my daughter is perfecting her roux-making skills. I talked about how my son will sometimes spout out "Mais la!" in a fit of frustration. But saying the words and cooking the food felt like a thin answer. I had to ask myself what is really being passed down to my children that is indicative of Cajun culture and a Louisiana lifestyle.

Here is what I came up with:

1. Genuine Concern: In Louisiana we ask, "How's ya mom and 'em?" But what I think sets us apart from other American places (aside from the patois we ask in) is we actually want to know how your mom (and 'em) are. I hope my kids see how I ask after others and go veiller in our community. Recently I had a proud dad moment when hearing how my son asked another person how they'd been doing. The person was brought to tears by how he waited patiently to listen about their life.

2. Don't be afraid of hard work: We have a framed sign in our house that says "dream hard, work harder." Shockingly, my kids are just starting to get homework. And they try to avoid it. Their rooms get dirty, and they tell me they'll do it later. We have conversations about how doing is less work than avoiding. That it only feels hard before you do it. And then, when they've completed the task, I revel in their success with them. Eventually I will get them outside to cut some grass or even stick a shovel in their hands. Yes it might hurt a little. And it will take time and energy. But at the end of the day, it's just work. Our ancestors left it all in the fields. You can open your laptop.

3. And don't be afraid to have a good time: This one is decidedly easier for my kiddos. Except their idea of a good time is watching endless amounts of screens, sometimes two at a time. But I can see the hard work on the horizon. My oldest is stressing about school more and more. I've had a couple of chances to say "knock off for today and just go to bed." Can't wait to show her how working late on a Friday just means you do something after lunch.

4. No one is coming to save you: This one is a little harder for me. I don't want to teach my kids to never ask for help (I'm a therapist by trade, after all). And I don't want them to feel alone in the world. But I do want to teach them to rely on themselves - or at least their community - when times get tough. I mean this in the way the Cajun Navy was created to help others because they got tired of waiting for the government to sign the right papers and make the right phone calls. I guess this comes down to initiative. But I also think it circles back to the first point.

5. Sweetness for sweetness's sake: "Cher 'tit bebe." "You'll like this. Have some." "You look so nice in the that shirt." Kindness costs nothing. And being kind gives everything. I see both of my kiddos reaching for kindness in word and deed. I feel like I don't have much work to do here. In fact, sometimes the conversation is about keeping enough for ourselves and not giving everything away. But the value remains the same: Love is best felt when given away.

That's what I came up with. What do you pass on? What reflects your cultural values? What about your personal values?